It has been a challenging couple of weeks for me in a few ways, but I’m going to stick to talking about my workouts, because its easier... and I think you can put two and two together. I took a week and a half “off” for a road trip/family reunion in Colorado. It was an awesome trip and I’m so thankful for the rest, nature, and adventure. However, coming back to my workouts has definitely been tough. I had the “hard to sit on the toilet” soreness for days after my first workout last week. I also had a little half cry... the kind where my face gets all scrunched up because I’m frustrated, but don’t really feel like breaking down in front of people. Good stuff.That said, I still think I have been doing surprisingly well with not being too hard on myself for not hitting the numbers that I think I should... or for doing all of my dips one blasted rep at a time for what felt like an hour. Yesterday my workout was to do a heavy 1 rep snatch, then 6 sets of 3 at 80%. Not my most favorite thing to do. I didn’t even get close to my previous max. It was embarrassing and I could feel my chest getting a little tight. I somehow talked myself out of getting upset, and instead tried to focus on doing all of my following sets really well.
I have also noticed that I have been more tempted to compare this week. I was talking with Carrie about it this morning, and she reminded me that as hard as it is, it is good to have someone to chase. This is very true. It is also true that I can only do the best that I can do... which, when I think about it, is really all that is required. Focusing on how I’m not as good as this person or that person is just going to make me bitter and miserable and stuck. I can only do the best that I can do. Put the work in, as coach Max reminded me. Recognize the good days and push them, and accept the bad days and push through them. Have grace.
Last week in my counseling, I was expressing to Rebecca how my feelings of inadequacy were starting to creep back in... all of the classic “I should be this and do this” garbage. She said to me something like, “Lindsay, I truly believe that you are doing the best that you can right now. You may not think that you are, but you are taking steps to learn and grow. You are doing the best you can.” I don’t know why, but it was such a relief to hear this. It is all to easy to listen to and believe the negative.
If you are anything like me, focusing a little too much on how you are not good enough... let me be the one to tell you, I believe you are doing better than you think. I do. Your best may not look exactly how you pictured... a new PR, a perfect relationship, 100% confidence in your job, but maybe its the best you can do right now. Today, I decided to be okay with who I am and where I am right now, and it felt good.
