enjoying now.

I have this bad habit of always looking for the next best thing, thinking I will be happier when it comes along or when I get it. Only when it does, or I do, there is something else just out of my reach. It makes it very difficult to enjoy the present. When I was in college, I just wanted to be out in the "real world". When I was dating I just wanted to be married. In most places I have lived, I would anticipate the next move. In jobs I have had, I've been always on the lookout for a different one. Not to mention, I have thought when I lose this weight or have those jeans or go on that vacation I would be happy... finally right where I want to be.

The last year or so has been pretty different for me. I think I am learning to better appreciate where I am, what I am doing, and who I am. Someone told me that life is a process. When we make mistakes, we don't go all the way back to the beginning. We have learned new tools and experienced different things to help move us forward. Rather than try to fight our way to the finish, we should enjoy the process of getting there. This has been really helpful for me, especially when I am in a place that I really don't care to be in. Its funny how looking back, I can clearly see how each experience, job, whatever... good or bad... built on the next, and taught me something new about myself.

So here I am. Almost 27. Married to my high school sweetheart. Living in Costa Mesa. Working at the YMCA. I have been so blessed to find community and some really amazing friends in the last year of living here. I love working out at CrossFit Costa Mesa and feel more comfortable in my skin than I have in a long time. I am enjoying my job and the people I work with and train. I actually would not rather be anywhere else right now, and that feels really good.

I am reading a book right now called Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist, and I really like this quote of hers:

"This is it. This is life in all its glory, swirling and unfolding around us, disguised as pedantic, pedestrian non-events. but pull off the mask and you will find your life, waiting to be made, chosen, woven, crafted."

inspired.

I'm still struggling with the "fear thing". Just when I think I am tackling it, it creeps up on me. I love these quotes... some about fear, some not... but it was definitely good for me to read them today. I hope they inspire you too.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” --Marianne Williamson

"Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." --unknown

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -- Aristotle

"Only those who dare to fail greatly, can ever achieve greatly." --unknown

"This is my body. And I can do whatever I want to it. I can push it. Study it. Tweak it. Listen to it. Everybody wants to know what I'm on. What am I on? I'm on my bike busting my ass six hours a day.
What are you on?" --Lance Armstrong

"The starting point of all achievement is desire. Keep this constantly in mind. Weak desires bring weak results, just as a small amount of fire makes a small amount of heat." --Napoleon Hill

"The pain passes, but the beauty remains." --Renoir

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." --Joshua 1:9