passion.

I got a new book last week called Never Let Go by Dan John. On the outside its about weightlifting, but beneath that and all of Dan's humor (he really is kind of funny), there are some good life lessons. I am only a little over half way through (which is actually a big accomplishment for me), but I like it... may actually finish it! Here is one of my favorite parts... it really spoke to where I'm at...

"Passion is a word that doesn't mean what you think it means. It means to suffer. Now, that may not be how we use it today, but that's what the root of the word means, at least in the dictionary. Let's define it this way: Passion, to suffer for love. I think greatness comes to those willing to go past the sweat. I hear it all the time, 'Look, see, I'm working hard. I'm sweating.' Yeah, well, you'll sweat in a sauna too. It doesn't mean nothin'. You have to go past the hurt, too. The hardest thing to teach young men in football is the difference between being hurt and being injured. Injured means out; you're done for today, this week, this season. Hurt means you've just moved beyond the pain. Winners learn to live with hurt. In life, you're going to be hurt a lot. Passion is learning to push beyond all of this in the pursuit of your dreams and goals. Your goals are going to cost you in every nuance of the word: physically, emotionally, financially and all the rest of the 'allies you can find."

I have been struggling the last week or so with stuff... I can't quite pinpoint it, because nothing is really wrong. Life is good and I am happy. What it probably boils down to is me doubting myself, worrying too much about what other people think, and perhaps not sleeping enough. But what else is new? My CrossFit training changed a few weeks ago, and since then I have been in this constant state of self awareness... and my brain is tired. Let me tell you, it has been so much more than physical training. I've also been letting my knee and shoulder injury get the best of me a little bit. Its really not even about the injuries... but they are forcing me to slow down and think about my goals and how I am going to reach them. The injuries are a reminder that its not going to be easy all of the time. I have definitely given up before when things got hard... started to hurt a little bit. I don't want to give up. Jeff said to me today, "Just be you and do the best you can do babe." Somehow this brought things into perspective for me. So this is what I plan on doing... the best that I can, with passion (suffering for love). I won't give up.