Early Morning Ramblings.

In my opinion, one should be able to sleep in on a Saturday morning. However, I have had two restless nights in a row. This morning I woke up at 4:45am and despite my best efforts, I could not go back to sleep. It could be that I have a lot on my mind, except that I don't really... at least nothing stressful. It could be that my body is achy and I just couldn't seem to get comfortable. It could be that Jeff was breathing extra loud the past couple of nights, or maybe I only noticed because I was half awake. Regardless, here I am blogging when I should be sleeping, and to tell you the truth, I am kind of thankful for this time to just sit and think.

For a short week, this one was very full. I don't feel like I got much down time, which is actually pretty good for me since it can be especially easy for me to get lazy when I have too much time on my hands. In my CrossFit training, Steve had me do three workouts a day this week... something that sounded easier to me than it was. And as usual I learned (and relearned) a few things. On Wednesday and Friday I did the group workout twice... once in the morning and once in the evening with another workout in between. Let me just say that a few hours is not enough time to forget the pain of a workout! Looking back though, it was kind of cool to be able to get a second chance to do better. In the time between the workouts, I was able to think and strategize about how I could improve, as the workout was very fresh in my mind. I knew the points where I would want to slow down and the movements that I could speed up on. Despite being tired from my first two workouts of the day, I managed to dig deep and improved my times. I was especially pleased with yesterday's workout because the second time I did it, there was no one there to push me, no one to compete against. Just me. I fought for each rep and told myself to keep moving. My time reflected my attitude and finishing with a good time was the best reward. If I had to do the same workout twice every day, I'm pretty sure I would hate life, but this week I am thankful for second chances.

On another note, something I had to relearn was that I'm not going to get a PR every time I do a max lift. Call me crazy, but if I was able to snatch 85 pounds two weeks ago, I should be able to do it again right?! This week I was struggling to get 79 pounds, and after maybe 20 attempts and a little cussing at the bar, I finally had to stop. Something a friend told me a while back, that has really stuck with me, is this: "No athlete is 100% all the time. There are good and bad days. The important thing is to recognize when you are having a good day and push it; and when you are having a bad day, understand, and push through it." Having a bad day or not hitting a PR does not mean that I'm a failure. Bad days are inevitable... in the gym, at work, in life. The key is to not let the frustration overtake you and give up, have a little grace with yourself, and do the best you can for that day. Learn and keep on moving forward.

photo: sunrise run this week... took this on my sweet new iphone!!

Running. Don't be a hater!

Hey guys. I just got in from a great run on this perfect 70 degree day in Orange County. If you don't live here, my apologies. While running, I couldn't stop thinking about how much I love to run, and I decided that I wanted to write this post about it. I hear from people all the time: "I hate running!" Let me say this, I hated brussel sprouts until I tried them. And perhaps more relevant, I hated swimming until I practiced it. I hated it because it was hard for me, I wasn't good at it, and I didn't want to take the time to work on it. I'm serious. It wasn't until an injury that kept me from running, that I finally sucked it up, got in the pool a few days a week, and learned how to swim. One year later, I like swimming and even did a triathlon.

Now, if you have no interest in being a runner, then by all means keep hating it. However, if you want to be a runner, you have to stop hating and talking about how much you suck at running, and just do it. My guess is, half of your problem is in your head. Let me tell you a story. A few years ago, my sister Piper and I signed up for a half marathon together. She hated running, really hated it, but wanted to be better and needed a little motivation. We would meet up regularly and run for as long as she could, and then walk until she felt like she could run again. At first we would run maybe 5 minutes and then walk the rest, then we got up to 10 minutes, then 20. On race day, I kid you not, Piper ran the first 6 miles of the race without stopping. I must have asked her 50 times... "Are you ok?! Do you need to walk?", and she would reply "I'm good! Lindsay... I'm fine!" She now enjoys running and does it regularly along with CrossFit (of course!).

So, let me ask you... do you want to be a runner? If your response is "Yes!", then this is my challenge to you: in the next week, RUN. I honestly don't care how fast or how far you go... just do it. If its to the end of your block, that's fine. If it helps you to listen to music, by all means, crank it up!

Before you head out, let me give you a couple of tips:

1. Let go of any expectations you may have of yourself. Put one foot in front of the other and just go.

2. Breathe. Start at a slow pace. Let your body get into a rhythm. Inhale and exhale.

3. Relax. I often see runners clench their fists and let their arms creep up by their chest. Your fingers should be loose and your hands should be down by your hips, like you are going to put them in your pockets.

4. Listen to your body. If you are gasping for air or your knee is killing you, slow down or walk for a bit... and don't beat yourself up about it. Remember... let go of expectations.

5. Enjoy it. Try to run outside, not on a treadmill. Look around you. Take in the sights and smells. I often like to let my mind go when I run. Sometimes I'm thinking about something specific, sometimes I think about nothing at all.

If your response to my question is "No. I don't want to be a runner", then this is my challenge to you: try it anyway. God gave you legs, and some day you may have to move them faster than walking pace, so give it a try. (Mom, you too. Your knees will be fine.) Again, it doesn't have to be far. Simply see what it feels like. It may not be as bad as you think.

Lastly, I would love to hear how it goes. So, if you take my challenge, email me. Call me. Leave a comment. Tell me in person. Where did you run? How did it feel? Was it as bad as you thought it would be? And, if you live in Orange County and would like to meet up with other runners or wannabe runners, a group of us is going to get together in two Sundays (February 13th). I am thinking we will meet at my house around 9am, warm up together and go for a run along Back Bay. There will be a longer distance and a shorter one. And as your reward, I'll cook you breakfast afterward. Now that is a good deal! Details will be posted at www.crossfitcostamesa.com, so stay tuned. Happy running!

"My time on this earth is limited. My actions don’t have to be. The opportunities are as wide and as open as I want them to be. The only limiting factor is my mind. Only I can defeat me." -CrossFit Lisbeth

recap.

I think its time for a little update. 2011 is off to somewhat of a strange start for me. Last year, I remember feeling very motivated and I had this long list of goals in mind for the year ahead. I haven't really come up with any goals yet for this year. Of course I have goals... but so far I'm just taking things one day at a time. I like it this way for now. I like my old people at the Y, and my daily CrossFit workouts, and dinners with friends, and watching Dexter with Jeff. I especially like 75 degrees in January. Life is good.

Last weekend was the OC Throwdown... my second official CrossFit competition. I am happy to say that it went really well and I had a lot of fun. I felt much better going into this competition than the last one. I also really enjoyed having so many other friends from the gym competing... I think there were 9 of us, so there was always someone to cheer on... making it way more exciting. The event was really well organized and I thought the workouts were all quite creative, with nothing too crazy. I ended up finishing in 8th place out of 25 or so intermediate women. I am proud of how I did, but definitely feel motivated to up my game a bit and try for top 5 or 3 next time around. It was fun to be there this year and to think back on the same event last year. It was the first competition I had gone to watch, and I remember thinking... there is no way I will do this! At the time, I couldn't do one pull up... or a bunch of other stuff that I don't think twice about now. I have come so far in the last year... physically and mentally.

Probably my favorite part of the weekend was the final workout... not for me, because I didn't particularly like 30 heavy thrusters, but I really loved seeing Carrie finish first and watching Kris charge around the corner at the end of his run. Even now, it makes me tear up a bit. I love how CrossFit changes people, how it inspires hope and second chances. I know how hard Carrie works and pushes herself, and for her to to finish the way she did was just right. Kris, on the other hand, is pretty new to CrossFit, but naturally good at it and humble about it. I love that he is at the beginning of his journey and watching him finish made me so excited for what is to come from him and from so many other people who are new to CrossFit. So I guess thats it on the Throwdown recap.

In other exciting news, my new Nike's finally came in the mail this week! People keep asking me what is so special about them. Nothing. They are exactly the same style as my old ones... BUT this particular style is no longer sold in stores and so I had to special order them from the Nike website. Yes, they cost more because I got to pick out my own colors and have words stitched into the sides... which really, it would have been easier if I didn't have to do all of this, considering how bad I am at decision making. That said, they are here. They fit. And, they smell way better than my old ones.

my heart.

So one of my goals for 2010 was to read six books. I almost did it. I have about 20 pages left in my sixth book. Its The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, and I do actually love this one. Maybe I just wanted to savor it. Maybe it was meant to be that I read these final pages this week. There is all this dialogue about listening to your heart and pursuing your dreams and not being afraid. These are things I have been thinking a lot about the past couple of weeks. Who am I? What are the desires of my heart? What is important to me? What am I willing to sacrifice? I especially love this part of the book... it is a conversation between the boy and the alchemist:

"My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer," the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky.

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."

"... When I have been truly searching for my treasure, I've discovered things along the way that I never would have seen had I not had the courage to try things that seemed impossible for a shepherd to achieve."

This could not be any more true. It applies to a few areas of my life, but this week mostly I am reading it with CrossFit in mind. If its not already obvious from previous blog entries, I love CrossFit... where its taken me, how its healed parts of me and challenged me physically, mentally, spiritually. This has been especially apparent the past few months since deciding to train more seriously for competitions, and being forced to face many of my fears and insecurities. Much like the boy in the story, I feel like I am discovering things that I never would have seen had I not tried what I thought I could not do.

Some things have changed recently, but my heart still wants what it wanted before. I'm not even sure exactly what that is, but I just feel like I'm not finished yet. My mind has been bouncing around between what I should do and what I want to do and what other people think I should do. It has been hard and a little lonely. I know I am supported and loved, but I want so much to feel peace for myself. To know without a doubt that I am in the right place, that I am following my heart in search of my dreams. As the Alchemist says, "When you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it." I am hoping this is true.

decisions.

Decisions. I've never been particularly good at them. I am that person in the restaurant who stares at the menu for as long as possible, asks everyone else at the table what they are ordering, asks the waiter what his favorite dish is, and when I finally do order, I've created my own dish... and then end up eating whatever Jeff ordered instead. Go figure. My point being... when it comes to deciding what I want for myself, I have a very challenging time. Its especially difficult to separate what I want from what I think I should want or from what someone else wants... even if I know we are completely different. I'm talking about more than food here, but I think the comparison works. I am easily moldable... and when it comes to my life, thats probably not such a good thing. I should be a little more solid... a little more sure and confident. I care too much about what other people think, which I know I have mentioned before, but this just adds to the difficulty I have making decisions.

Anyway, today was especially full of thinking, weighing pros and cons and other people's opinions and feelings. Do I want the steak or the salmon?... and is it possible to just have a little of both? Usually I want both, however most restaurants are not so accommodating... unless of course you pay 60 bucks for the surf n turf. Really, this is not about food. But if it were, I'm the one who is going to eat it, so I better make sure my choice is mine. Wow. It must be past my bedtime.

rainy day random thoughts.

I don't want to sound depressing and say that I'm not happy. I'm not NOT happy, but maybe just kind of eh. I can certainly have fun and I don't necessarily feel down. Indifferent perhaps. Going through the motions a little bit. I've been this way for several weeks now... maybe longer. I haven't really been paying attention. There were a couple of things this weekend though that made me stop and think... more than anything, just got me outside of myself for a few minutes.

Jeff and I went to my dear friend, Sarah's graduation from Art Center in Pasadena on Saturday. Part of the graduation was dedicated to awarding alumni who have used their skills to make an impact in their community and the world. It was impressive and inspring to see videos of the work they had done and how they were helping others. I started to think about how amazing it feels to help someone else, to give without expecting anything in return, to work hard for something that I believe in and care about.

Although I have learned a lot of valuable things in the last year and have grown in many ways, I have mostly done what I want to do... and not done what I don't want to do. And now I sit here, feeling a bit... well, unfulfilled. I read something this morning from a CrossFitter's blog that said, "If you don't like your lift, adjust your grip. If you don't like your life, change it. The game is yours. You are the controller." Its not that I don't like my life, but I know that it can be more. I know that I can be better, and I am the only one who can make it so.

So the graduation was inspiring, even if it was a tad on the long side. There was a sense of hope and promise and a fresh start that I longed for. The other thing was church yesterday. I seriously don't remember the last time Jeff and I went to church, but it had been a while. And yesterday was almost another lazy Sunday, but we went... and I'm usually glad when we do. Sometimes I'm not even really paying attention to the message, but just the act of going and listening to the worship and being surrounded by other believers gives me a sense of peace and reminds me that there is more than just me and my four mile radius. Anyway, it was hard to not pay attention because there was a pretty impressive Christmas drama... lots of ladders and dancing and cool lighting and music... not as cheesy as I make it sound, I promise. The message was Immanuel, meaning God with us. I have heard it a thousand times, but what I really heard (and needed to hear) yesterday was that we no longer need to climb (hence the ladders) and strive, because God stepped down into our world. He was with his creation thousands of years ago and he is with us today... all the time, even when we don't feel him.

I struggle a lot with striving for things to make me feel meaningful, and often times, they do, at least for a while. But I know deep down when my priorities are out of whack because there is a small sense of emptiness. Normally, I feel a lot of guilt over this, but today I guess I just recognize it as a stage of life and something that I want to change. If you don't like it, change it... right? Oh, thats so much easier said than done!

Part of me is tempted to wait to change. After all, January 1st is right around the corner and there is no time like the new year to start fresh. But I guess there will always seem to be a better time... because change is hard. Being more intentional with your life takes effort. Cookies taste good at the time, but they don't feel so great when you are doing burpees with them in your stomach. Get my point?

I don't know what else to say here, but I think this quote is fitting,

"Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you are going to do now, and do it." -William C. Durant

having fun doing what i do.

I know, I know... its been a while! To my hundreds of followers, I am very sorry ;)

So, considering this blog has become 98% about CrossFit, I see it only fitting that I write about my first competition. As most of you know, I participated in the women's intermediate class at the Next Level Invitational two weekends ago. I have been training to compete for several months now, and this was my opportunity to get out there and experience what its like.

It turns out that when something new (and perhaps a little scary) is a safe distance away, its easy to imagine oneself prepared and calm and in control when the time comes. This is how I was feeling up until the Monday before the NLI. I don't know what happend to me, but the five days before the competition I lost myself and I couldn't seem to pull it together, though I was trying. If I had a regular "that time of the month", this would have been it. I was super emotional and irritable and I wanted to eat lots of ice cream (maybe that last one is not so out of the ordinary). The point is, although I had been training my body and my mind for months and was as ready as I could be, I suddenly didn't feel ready. My fears of failure and letting other people down started creeping back in, and I was having a very hard time remembering why I am doing this.

Not helping my situation, Steve tapered my workouts the week before the event. I had seriously convinced myself that he just wanted to make me miserable. Tapering is hard... much harder than I thought it would be. I guess I believed that my body needed it, but mentally, the decrease in intensity and volume of my workouts made me feel lazy and detached. And the fact that I was having to do something different was causing me to make this competition a bigger deal than it needed to be. By Friday I was about to break into tears at any moment. Thanks to the encouraging words of Carrie, who I've been training alongside since the beginning, and Steve, reminding me that I'm more than capable and that this is just for me to get experience and have fun, I was finally feeling ready for Saturday. My primary goal was to have fun and do what I do.

But enough about the pre-game. I just wanted you all to know that kicking ass does not come so easily for me ;) So Saturday morning, I had all of my stuff ready to go, and I met Carrie at the OC Fairgrounds where we checked in, set up our stuff, and started warming up. The first half of the workout included a 2 rep max snatch, a vertical jump, a 60 meter shuttle sprint, and max pull-ups without leaving the bar. My heat went around 8:30. When I walked out to the bar, my amazing gym family was there in the stands cheering me on, and I felt an overwhelming sense of support and peace. I wasn't nervous at all... just focused on doing the task in front of me the best that I could. I PR'd on my lift, which felt good, and made it through the other tasks without falling on my face. I was placed 35th out of 50 women.

The afternoon events were much more cardio intensive. Find a 1 rep max deadlift, perform 3 rounds of 3 clean and jerks at 95# and 6 broad jumps, then max burpees in 4 minutes, max meters on a ski erg in 4 minutes, max double unders in 4 minutes, and 30 knees to elbows then a 500 meter run for time. I felt much less anxious about the deadlift than the snatches. I lifted 260 pounds... 9 pounds more than my previous max only a couple weeks prior. The clean and jerks felt surprisingly light, and the other parts of the workout were more a matter of pushing through the pain than anything else. I knew that I could do the movements, I just had to move fast. Going through each 4 minute segment was an interesting experience. I was present in the moment, but at the same time, my mind was somewhere else... i was in the zone and just let my body do what it had to do. I almost made it through all of the events without falling on my face, but on my run, someone walked right into me as I was rounding a corner and I hit the ground pretty hard. Adrenaline got me up fast and I probably only lost a few seconds. No real harm done, just a decent sized bruise on my hip.

At the end of the day, I moved up to 15th place. I am happy with that, but honestly could have finished at the bottom and still would have felt amazing. It was an incredible experience (fun even) and a huge hurdle for me to get over. I am proud of myself for not quitting. I know that I have a lot to learn yet and many things to improve on, but every day (good or bad) I am moving forward. As I sit here now, I can't help but be so thankful that I get to do this, that Jeff is so supportive, that my community is so encouraging, that my coach pushes me to be better, and that I am capable of so much more than I ever would have imagined. I think we all are.

to watch a video of the event... my friend Chris put this together: nlp invitational