28 days

I used to hate mushrooms... just the smell of them or the thought of putting one in my mouth made me gag. Its funny how taste changes when you get older. About six months ago, I started eating mushrooms more regularly, and tonight... the final night of our month-long Vegetarian diet, I made ricotta and black bean stuffed portabella mushrooms. Not eating meat, eggs, or fish for a month was not quite as hard as I thought it would be. Breakfast was pretty easy... cereal or a fruit smoothie, lunch was usually PB&J, a veggie burger, or a veggie/avo sandwich, and for dinner, Jeff and I ate some of our usuals like grilled pizza, but also tried several new recipes. It was fun cooking some new things as we had kind of gotten ourselves in a rut with the same old (but good) stuff.

I think the hardest thing about eating Vegetarian is having to explain why to other people... especially doing so in such a way that does not come off like "you really should eat this way too", because that is not at all how I feel. Yesterday, Jeff and I checked out a local meat market here in Costa Mesa. Its a small place that carries a good amount of grass-fed beef, and the guy behind the counter was especially friendly and gave us big pieces of buffalo and venison jerky to sample (I am saving mine for tomorrow)! We think that we will try to buy most of our meat from here, and other places that carry grass-fed. It seems that buying "pastured eggs" and perhaps fish will be a little tougher though. Since these items will be pricier than purchasing them in bulk at Costco, as we usually do, we will likely eat less meat overall. As Jeff said to me yesterday, having to go to a different store to buy meat, makes you appreciate it all the more.

I am still learning about factory farming and Vegetarianism, and want to be open minded and flexible. It is hard when there is so much conflicting information out there and so many different opinions. I hope to find a balance between the two... where I am getting the nutrients that I need, and I feel good about what I am putting in my body.

here are some of the things we ate this month... butternut squash soup; apple, walnut & gorgonzola pizza; vegetable lasagna; smoothie bowl w/ berries and nuts. mmm!!!

Sad Reality

This week is eating disorder awareness week. The topic is dear to my heart as anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, and distorted body image have affected myself and people that I love in one way or another. The statistics on eating disorders and body image are shocking and sad:

*Over 1/2 the females between the ages of 18-25 would prefer to be run over by a truck then be fat, and 2/3 surveyed would rather be mean or stupid. -Gaesser, G. (1996), Big Fat Lies: The Truth About Your Weight and Your Health.
*51% of 9 and 10 year-old girls feel better about themselves if they are on a diet. -Mellin LM, Irwin CE & Scully S: Disordered eating characteristics in girls: A survey of middle class children. Journal of the American Dietetic Association. 1992
*The average woman is 5'4" and weighs 140 pounds. The average model is 5'11" and weighs 117 pounds. Most fashion models are thinner than 98% of American women. -Smolak L. (1996).

I could go on and on with these stats...

I have no doubt that the media plays a huge role in how women and men perceive themselves. We are a society that, on one hand, advertises cheap, unhealthy, highly processed foods, yet does so with attractive, thin models. It is no wonder we are confused and frustrated and unhappy with the way we look. My heart breaks to think about how many young girls are already dieting and calling themselves fat and ugly.

I got into personal training 2 years ago with the hope that I could encourage people, especially women, to be comfortable in their own skin, to learn how to exercise and eat well, and to be free from the lies that they have been told by others and by the media. It can be hard not to get caught up in it... caught up in counting calories, exercising obsessively, negative self talk, and feeling guilty when you "mess up". I know, because I have been there, and sometimes my mind still goes there.

I have learned some very helpful tools over the last year and a half: One of them is no "fat talk"... with friends, with your spouse, with yourself. I used to try to get Jeff tell me that I was fat, or that I had gained weight, and I would get so frustrated that he wouldn't. His response was often, "If you have gained weight, then I like it!" Grrr!! Instead, I learned to talk more about how I feel... like, "I'm feeling uncomfortable in my skin today." Or, something Jeff and I came up with that always makes us laugh: "I'm having a BOD day." Then he knows, and I know and we move on. I got rid of our scale. My counselor asked me once, "Why do you weigh yourself?"... because I like to know how much I weigh. "How does it make you feel when you see the number on the scale?"... usually crappy. "Then why do you keep doing that to yourself?" Hmm... good point. So I got rid of it, and I feel much freer.... I am not defined by a number. I learned to listen to my body... this doesn't mean that I always do, but I know how. The goal for me is to not restrict, but to listen to how my body is feeling... am I hungry? am I full? do I really want ice cream, or is it just a habit or coping mechanism? I learned that freedom from poor body image and eating disorders is a process. Just because I had a "bad day" or I "messed up" does not mean that I am back at square one. It is just part of the process. Each time, I learn something new and I try to use the tools that I have learned and reject the lies that have been so ingrained in my mind.

I love this video, made by Dove's campaign for real beauty: Dove Evolution

What we see in magazines and on billboards is not reality, so why do we set ourselves up for failure? Instead, take an honest evaluation of who you really want to be and why. Make goals that are realistic for you. Be kinder and more forgiving with yourself. Recognize and reject the lies that tell you you are not good enough, thin enough, pretty enough. They really are lies.

"Only freedom from fear, freedom from lies, can make us beautiful, and keep us safe." -Anne Lamott (Traveling Mercies)

#8 Plant a Veggie Garden

My parents are down for a visit this week, which means... project! After I got off work today, dad, mom, and I headed to Lowe's to pick out some veggies and herbs. We came home with tomatoes, yellow squash, arugula, cilantro, basil, thyme and a few other things. Mom and I planted most of the plants in the half whiskey barrel that Jeff and I picked up a couple weeks ago. The key now will be keeping them alive until they actually bare something edible. I also got some bougainvillea that I am hoping grows up the side of our house... its a bright orangey-red color... I have wanted some of this stuff for over a year now. I love flowers and gardening. It makes me so happy and giddy. The day my first tomato appears, I will be ecstatic. If all goes well, I will post some follow up photos of my little garden.


(My succulent arrangement)

Fear

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." -Eleanor Roosevelt

I have been thinking about fear lately. What am I afraid of? Why am I afraid? When have I conquered my fears? This morning I decided to write down my answers to these questions. As much as I hate to admit it, I am afraid of what other people think of me. I am afraid of looking bad, stupid, hypocritical, weird. I am afraid of being uncomfortable, not having control, afraid of quitting or failing. I am afraid of being trapped in something I don't want to do, and not knowing the outcome of things. I am afraid of pain.

Why am I afraid of these things? I am sure my fears are common fears, but why do I let fear have its place? I think because it protects me... or gives the illusion that it does. It keeps me where I am comfortable. As long as I don't let myself encounter my fears... in other words, take risks... then I can stay safe. On the other hand, the fear robs me of things that could be... dreams fulfilled, joys experienced, friends made, goals met. Are these things worth the discomfort, failure, and pain that comes along with them? I want to say yes.

Then I started to think about times when I have faced my fears... times when I have been brave. This was hard. I thought about starting new jobs, which I have done my fair share of over the last four years. I thought about confronting my dad about his alcohol addiction, and about doing hard workouts at CrossFit. I thought about flying. I hate flying, but I love to travel and I want to see more of the world. This led me to think about the cost of fear. If I had let my fear of flying have the upper hand in past, then I would not have seen the Eiffel Tower, or helped build a home in Guatemala, lived in Thailand, or witnessed freedom and healing in India... experiences that I wold not trade for anything.

Though, despite what I know is true, it is still hard to let go of my control and comfort. I hope to become a person who chooses to live in faith more than in fear. I don't want to miss out or live in regret.

"Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live." -Dorothy Thompson

11 days of Vegetarianism

So far, eating a vegetarian diet has been pretty easy. However, I have not been able to be too experimental in the kitchen since we have had a lot going on in the evenings and were out of town last weekend. Tonight for dinner I made quinoa stuffed acorn squash! I found the recipe in a random magazine and thought it looked good... and it was. It was my first time (that I can recall) eating acorn squash or quinoa. I am always so proud of myself when I cook something new. Usually we eat the same things every week... chicken tacos, salmon salad, grilled pizza. I get even more excited when what I make actually turns out semi-decent. The hardest thing about eating vegetarian is getting enough protein. Tofu is okay, but it always seems mushy, and I feel weird about eating so much soy.

I have not yet decided what I will do with what I have learned about factory farming. I know there are always two sides to every story, but I can't see how not eating (or eating less) meat, would be a bad thing in regards to the whole system. I just ordered The Vegetarian Myth on Amazon, and I am curious to read a counter perspective. In then end, Jeff and I will probably eat less meat, fish, and eggs, and what we do eat, we will try to buy from good sources. I wouldn't want to be so rigid that I inconvenience anyone else and do not intend on pushing my feelings on others. But for now, it is fun to try something new... like acorn squash and quinoa!

Confession

I swore that I would never follow the "skinny jean" trend, but I have to confess... I bought my first pair of skinny jeans last weekend. They were $24 on clearance at the Gap, and in my size, so I figured why not at least try them on? To my surprise, they actually looked okay. So I bought them... and I am pretty sure I have worn them every day since. I was delighted yesterday when it started raining and I had to to walk through puddles from my car into Trader Joe's and my jeans didn't get all soaked at the bottom! Its the little things like that, you know. Anyway, that's all. Jeff is still getting used to the new look and will likely tease me for a while, but its okay... I like my skinny jeans :)

(Me with my lovely sisters in law... and brother, Reggie. I'm wearing my jeans!)

Learning to Breathe

About a month ago I discovered via google search that I have plantar fasciitis. It is defined as a partial or complete tear in the fascia of the bottom of the foot; characterized by pain just under the heel bone... or in other words, bummer. After trying to run on it once or twice, and paying the painful price, I decided that I need to give my feet a little vacation. With my first triathlon on the horizon, this is perhaps a blessing in disguise... forcing me to work on my swimming. I have never been a swimmer. I remember my mom taking me to the pool when I was younger for my first swim team practice... I swam one lap for the 'Buccaneers', then clung onto the wall in tears, and begged for my mom to let me out, which she did. Now years later, I am finally figuring it out.

For my first swim about three weeks ago, I convinced Jeff to come to the YMCA pool with me, telling him I needed his advice. Mostly I just didn't want to look like a fool and have no one there to laugh at myself with. Following his coaching as best I could, I would swim one length, stop, gasp for air, then rev myself up to go back. I did this for about 30 minutes and we called it a day. Since then, I have been swimming two or three days a week; including my weekly "healthy joints" class where I wear a floaty belt and "run" back and forth in the deep pool with about 15 other ladies who are at least 30 years older than me. We listen to Caribbean music and chat about what we had for dinner the night before and American Idol. Its quite fun.

Last week, one of the guys who swims at the Y told me about a swim plan that he started following when he turned to swimming after a knee injury. It is a six week plan that takes you from no swimming at all to swimming a mile... that is sixty some laps I am told. So last week I started the plan. Four 100's, four 50's, four 25's with a prescribed number of breaths in between, and it builds from there. Breathing is the hardest part about swimming for me. In running, I am used to breathing whenever I want, with swimming, it is quite different: you only have a small window of time when you can take in the precious oxygen... and sometimes water gets in. I frequently stop mid lap to cough. I am getting better though... much in part to the advice of some friends and the lifeguards at the Y... and practice of course. Yesterday I swam 200 meters non-stop (almost... only one cough break). My stroke is feeling more natural and breathing is getting easier.

As dumb as it may sound, breathing is important. When things get tough, I sometimes forget to breathe. I struggle and swallow water and cough because I am trying to go too fast or want to do things my own way. It is when I slow down, don't over think things, and breathe that I am able to get through the rough waters and finish the race. How's that for an analogy?!

"When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you." -Isaiah 43:2