thoughts.

This morning, my mom (who is in town for the weekend) let me leave her for a few hours so that I could go to the NLP CrossFit competition in Irvine. Really, she was okay with it. We had 3 guys and 1 girl from our gym competing, and I didn't want to miss the opportunity to cheer them on. I love these competitions, especially when I know people doing the workouts. It was especially encouraging to watch Carrie today. She placed first overall in her first workout. Carrie is bad ass, and I know she has worked really hard to get to the point she's at.

I feel like I watched the workouts and the athletes a little differently today. I guess this is because I have never before put myself in their shoes... you know, envisioned myself being out there. Competition makes me nervous... with those awful waves of nausea (normal... I know... I think). I actually had them today... all day... and I wasn't even doing anything. But, combined with with my nervousness, there was excitement. It feels good to have a goal to be working toward... and for it not to be another marathon (training = slightly uninteresting). I always seem to do better given a little direction, otherwise I get distracted or unmotivated or just bored.

Today I really wanted to lift heavy stuff... which is not all that heavy (yet)... and the point being, I realized how much I love CrossFit because everything in me wanted to overhead squat (and I don't even like overhead squats). I realized I dont just love it because its cool and fun and my friends do it, but because its changed my life and is constantly changing the way I see and feel about myself. I love it because it forces me into those dark and uncomfortable places that I wouldn't otherwise go to, and then brings me out a little tougher.

Still though, that small but evil voice in my head is telling me I'm dreaming too big. I should take it down a notch. I'm getting too far ahead of myself. I hate that voice. I hate it because 99% of me is tempted to believe it.

The whole puzzle is intimidating... but one piece at a time is definitely doable. So I'm trying to remind myself of that. Good analogy, huh? Anyway, these are my thoughts... with only a little filtering.