week, I think this kind of happened. Not in an overly emotional way so much, but I just got tired of how I have been somewhat checked out... going through the motions... or in some cases, not even doing that anymore. I've been selfish. Plain and simple.I have been thinking more about my relationship with God lately. I don't know what about exactly, just that I know I need more of him. I know that when I am making space for God to be a part of my day that everything else seems to fall into place a little better. I am more peaceful and have more grace with myself and with others. I am more trusting that my life is in his control... that there is some sort of a plan in place.
I don't know why it surprises me, but whenever I surrender myself, even just a little bit and make myself more open to God, he seems to appear... in things that I read, in conversations that I have, even in TV shows. This has already been happening for me. It may sound corny, but Jeff and I finally got caught up on Glee this past weekend, and there was an episode that touched on religion quite a bit. There was a particular line in there from Sue's sister with Down Syndrome that really hit me: "God doesn't make mistakes." I guess I needed to hear this because the tears started welling up. God doesn't make mistakes. I heard this as, "Linds, you're all right"... and that was very comforting at that moment.
For whatever reason, I decided to pick up this book the other day that my mom gave me a long time ago and I have been slowly reading through one little chapter at a time. What I read yesterday was this: "Nothing good comes easily. You have to lose things you thought you loved, give up things you thought you needed. You have to get over yourself, beyond your past, out from under the weight of your future. The good stuff never comes when things are easy. It comes when things are all heavily weighted down like moving trucks. It comes just when you thought it never would..." (Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist). I always want things to be easy... who doesn't? As usual, I can relate this to CrossFit. Getting stronger and faster and more confident as an athlete doesn't come easy... it requires that I give up some of the things that I want (or think I want)... but its necessary for my improvement. In life when things are easy, I know that I am not being challenged and not really learning or having to think a whole lot... so I stay in the same place, get lazy, and stop depending on God. I especially like the line in the quote about having to get over yourself. Easier said than done, but a good reminder none the less. Less me = more God = better life. I know this, but how often I forget it.
If you made it this far, please excuse my ramblings that probably didn't make much sense and had no real conclusion.
2 comments:
i love how honest and transparent you are, makes me and i just know others feel better for being who we are, who God made us to be, and that we're all okay in our struggles. this blessed me, and is so right on! thanks for sharing your heart. xo p.s. i've heard of that book, makes me want to go get a copy :)
lindsay, i loved this post. i always enjoy reading how honest you are. i need to hang that quote up in my house and read it everyday. gosh, it is so hard to want things to just be easy or to constantly think about the future. love you!!
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